RANDY RETURNED TO CELLAR!!!!

Yankee owner and CEO( Commandante Executive Officer) George Steinbrenner has decided that he will invoke the little known return clause in Randy Johnson's contract. "Let's just say ,it didn't fit," Commandant Steinbrenner commented." He's in just about the same condition since we bought him or even better," Steinbrenner offered alluding to the Yankee financed back surgery. "Look I've still got the receipt if anybody wants to see it," The pugnacious commandant threatened.

Diamondback officials were heard to murmur about the date of purchase and whether the original packaging was available. " How can they think we can take this return! Receipt or not , it's been years since the purchase and we haven't seen piece one of the original packaging. How can they expect us to resell this product or even return it to the manufacturer after all this time and no box!"

Johnson's take on all this was to say: " I can't believe George kept the receipt after all these years. I may have the box up in the attic in Phoenix. I'll go wherever they send me. Shit millions of dollars and performance doesn't even matter...It's almost as good as being a CEO!".

RAYTHEON SAYS: NO MO "TARDS!!!!!!

Giant corporations like Raytheon Corporation whose slogan is " We bring evil things to death" have decided that the new minimum wage increase in Arizona has out-priced them out of the "persons with disabilities" market.Raytheon CEO and former professional wrestler Killer Kywolski commented: " We used to love to hire those goofy bastards but now Arizona wants us to pay them a living wage! Fuck that shit! If I gotta pay the full ride I might as well hire one of Arizona's many illegal aliens or their numerous high school drop outs. They won't be as funny as the "tards" but at least they'll be able to take themselves to the bathroom and we won't have to erase all the crazy shit those retards used to scrawl on our missiles. One time this really duh guy drew Bart Simpson on the missile shell with him writing his after-school blackboard punishment that read: I MUST NOT BOMB INNOCENT CIVILIANS. It took us hours to get that crap off the missile before we could sell it to the government so they could drop it on who knows who! We're gonna miss those dumbbells but business is business and all's fair in war and war! "

WHAT GOD WILLS FOR MARRIAGE!!

NYTIMES THINKS IT KNOWS WHAT GOD WILLS FOR MARRIAGE!!!!!!!!
How could the NYTimes know God's will for marriage since it is run by a bunch of gay, lesbian , bi-sexual, transgendered, transexual,gender indifferent(BLT)-loving, divorce-advocating,feminist- supporting liberal media elites? The Reverend " Big" Otis Hostilmeier,pastor of the Church of Jesus Christ ,Our Savior Eternal and his beloved wife , Prudence Chastity Hope have published the following tract to guide believing couples away from the Sodom and Gomorrah -ish deceptions of the liberal,Godless media elite : NB: The good reverend and his faithful wife of sixty nine years comment on this NYTIMES article with their remaks in bold and parentheses.
Questions Couples Should Ask (Or Wish They Had) Before Marrying
Relationship experts report that too many couples fail to ask each other critical questions before marrying. Here are a few key ones that couples should consider asking:( The Lord Jesus christ is the sole relationship expert and He has led us in a chaste and sanctified marriage for sixty-nine years now)
1) Have we discussed whether or not to have children, and if the answer is yes, who is going to be the primary care giver?( Well now ,Pru ,do you see what I mean. Chidren are a duty and a blessing from God. There is no deciding as if you were shopping at one of those accursed malls. You're right,Big, every women should be convicted in her heart to accept the marriage act as a duty and a privilege. I know it was always like one of my many wifely chores for me. And you did your duty well, Momma!
Now as to this nonsense of primary care giver, God did not build the female around her womb for nothin' ,not to mention her biological capacity for nursing her brood. You got that right ,Papa . Why if you had ever asked me to discuss who was best suited for caring for our twelve younguns I'd a thought you were loco!
2) Do we have a clear idea of each other’s financial obligations and goals, and do our ideas about spending and saving mesh?Now see here's some more of the devil's lies. Man wins the bread for the God-centered family and he decides of course how to spend and save. Big, that's certainly the way it's been for us. Fortunately it sort of worked itself out since you never made enough to spend much never mind save anything... Praise God!
3) Have we discussed our expectations for how the household will be maintained, and are we in agreement on who will manage the chores?That's like asking who managed creation- the male-God of course! Amen!, Daddy! You were always great at handin' out the chores for me and the kids. Why it seemed like the 13 of worked from sunup to way past sundown while you worked on those God-inspired sermons of yours. I used to wonder time and again how you could spend so much time day and night away from home doing the Lord's deeds...
4) Have we fully disclosed our health histories, both physical and mental? Now you know what that refers to ,don't cha Mama? Why of course ,Big, those sinners are forever catching those terrible venereal diseases and hiding them from each other. Now it's always been different for us honey. We have a God confirmed bond of trust. That's right, Big like the time all us ladies in the congregation came down with those chancres "down there" and you helped us understand when you got back from your preaching mission how it was the curse of Eve. I'll never forget how you took the same medicine we all needed just to give us courage!
5) Is my partner affectionate to the degree that I expect?Is that all those sec-U-lar folks think about? Yes , Big , I often wonder why they so long for affection and closeness. Tis a mystery, mama
6) Can we comfortably and openly discuss our sexual needs, preferences and fears?Dear God, No wonder they are so confused
7) Will there be a television in the bedroom?I guess so they can watch those pornos!
8) Do we truly listen to each other and fairly consider one another’s ideas and complaints?I know your answer to that one , Big darling, Ephesians 6 "Wives be submissive to their husbands
9) Have we reached a clear understanding of each other’s spiritual beliefs and needs, and have we discussed when and how our children will be exposed to religious/moral education?That's right dear Ephesians6
Well, Pru,do you think we have helped pagan and believer alike with our marital wisdom? Oh, Yes Big darling I think anyone who listens to this advice will end up just like us. Yes Pru dear,till death do we part...That's right Big Otis , for better or for worst!

EXXON WOULD NEVER LIE>>>WOULD SHE???????

In a Science Times article in the NY Times the shocking headline screams Exxon Accused of Trying to Mislead the Public. I don't know about you but I am sick to exhaust-ion of the liberal," all the news that fit to tint" anti-business NY Times.Here are some of the ridiculous claims they make in their supposed case against Exxon:

1) The Exxon Valdez will never make a successful gambling casino/ beach resort river boat permanently docked in the Bering Strait( Why must liberal naysayers always try to hamstring American ingenuity!)( Where else will the Alaskaians spend their oil profit tax refunds? on blubber?)

2) Tigers cannot live very long in gas tanks and do very little to improve pick-up or gas mileage(Oh and they're doing so well going extinct in India!)

3)Gas prices could have been lowered during the recent gas crisis when Exxon ,along with other oil giants, posted record profits( Don't they understand that the free market forbids such... freedom...)

4) Global warming will not help the beach resort tourist trade in the Bering Strait(Maybe there's no such thing as global warming!? Ever think of that inconvenient truth!?)

5) There is a connection between gas dependence and dead American soldiers in Iraq( Since the war began we can't even get oil out of Iraq so how could it be killing our soldiers?)

6)Solar-powered cars are possible( Yeah and if God wanted us driving solar cars , He would have created the sun before he created light( see Genesis1 KJB)

7)The internal combustion engine pollutes the air and causes added suffering to children with asthma( Typical liberal propaganda! Parents and not corporations are responsible for children's suffering. If parents choose to have their asthmatic offspring live in character-imbued urban settings, Exxon can't do anything about that. It's a free market ,remember?)

8)Smog rarely adds to the character of urban life( see #7)

9) Free -floating glaciers will not provide new ski slopes in the Bahamas( And I suppose they will not be a welcomed source of fresh drinking water in the nearby Sahara Desert)

10) Most islands that will be inundated after inevitable sea-level changes are not exclusively populated by palm trees and coconuts( Obviously the liberal elite is too smart to have gathered this important factoid from television research ranging from Gilligan's Isaland to Survivor; not to mention countless cartoons ,some even found in the pinko New Yorker which is published in a smog- enhanced urban environment where plenty of well- informed parents exercise their good judgement and free market freedom as to where asthmatic children should suffer)

CAN"T A GUY GET HUNG IN PEACE???!!!!

Burns and Glanz of the NY Times{http://www.nytimes.com/2007/01/03/world/middleeast/03iraq.html?hp&ex=1167886800&en=f6357bb4ee32bc25&ei=5094&partner=homepage] ( I swear that're their real names and no! this is not an article about the Clap!)report that there is considerable outrage about the taunting and teasing Saddam Hussein had to endure on his way to the gallows.One Shiite faced Iraqi dictator, Hussein, and was heard to call out: NANNY-NANNY BOO-BOO. Our translators believe this is a colloquial expression that roughly translates : " Your camel smells better than you do!" Saddam on his last mile which in Iraq is measured by the metric system so I guess it was his last kilometer,or was it the metric conversion of an Americam mile...was called all manner of insults including weirdo, dopey dildock and banana-nose(the last is actually a complement in Tirkut and may have been screamed by the attractive Sunni woman holding up her child and adding;"I'll raise him the way you would wish!"

Human Rights organization around the world have begun to call for the illegalization of name-calling and other forms of teasing during executions. Geoffrey Gastrphilus of Amnesty International wrote in the London Times: " I don't care if you hang,shoot or draw and quarter the bastard! At least give him the dignity of a taunt-free death." Glen Gary and Glen Ross, the twin columnists from different fathers declared in the Glasgow Highlander: " We'd like a few minutes in a room alone with those ruffians. We'd ask them : How would you like it if some called you those names while on the way to a neck-stretching".

The lone dissident voice was heard from Bill Buckley's National Review where Jonah Goldberg chided: " Oh Please! My little sister called me much worse names on my way to the family gallows and I didn't mind on bit!"Goldberg , of course, was referring to the now famous story first recorded in his autobiography , [strong]How to Raise a Neo-Con[/strong]. The Goldberg parents, Ernest and Julio( or was it Julius and Ethel) in an effort to make sure no one ever mistook them for the infamous communist spies who sold state secrets for winemaking to the Soviets used a variey of capital punishment methods to discipline their children. Jonah , himself ,is said to have survived hanging, electrocution and watching the complete films of Ronald Reagan non-stop!

George W Bush was asked to comment on the controversy. His only remark was to say: " What does Saddam have to complain about at least people aren't writing things about him and Barbara in bathrooms around the world. Clearly Bush was referring to the fact that he recently was named in the Guinness Book of World Records for being the subject of the most incestuous graffiti world-wide.When reporters tried to clarify that Saddam was not making the complaint(since unless you are Jonah Goldberg , you die from hanging...), Bush was heard to say; Your camel smells better than you do!"

V.A.HO-SLAYN KEEPS THE BLOGNOVEL PUMPIN:"!!!!!!!!!!!

Buster and The Baby Angel

Chapter One
No, Fuckhead.


Chapter Two
Buster Fuckhead had spent most of his entire natural life trying to make people laugh. Not because he believed in bringing joy or happiness to others. It was just that he loved to see the deformed faces of laughing people . The wide open mouth - the stretched skin of the face -the tilted back head- the flared nostrils and those crazy Shar-Pei wrinkles. The shaking torso and the absurd sounds like jack and jane asses in heat! Laughter for Buster revealed the true foolishness of the human animal and the revelation of ridiculousness was what he thrived on. Call him sarcastic , call him cynical he would have confessed in a heartbeat and gloried in that blatant admission of guilt. That is until the day he met the Baby Angel.


Chapter Three
The Baby Angel seemed ageless and moved as if gravity had little hold on her. How this ancient comedian's and such a being 's paths crossed will probably never be explained.But alot of life's crisses and crosses will always remain obscured in mystery . This star crossed and crissed couple found themselves on a roadside contemplating a flattened bike tire in the propitious presence of a dirty old minivan with room enough for a disabled bike , a vision of sweetness and a cruddy old clown . The van belonged to the abandoned past of a cast away comic. The bike to the girl . The stop was occasioned by a rare moment of clarity and an even more unusual occurrence of kindness (or was it lust) in the mind of the usually distracted Buster.And so our story begins with a devilish chauffeur, a two wheeled(one flat) companion and a rescued angel aboard a shaky ,aged ,creaking craft.

INDICE(POINTER"S ITALIAN NAME) ADDS A NEW FEATURE!!!!!

ITALIAN DAWG sends ITALIAN PROVERBS ON INDICE:

Proverbio/Proverb

Amico di tutti e di nessuno è tutt'uno
English Equivalent
A friend to all is a friend to none !!!

INDICE WANTS FEW FRIENDS BUT GOOD ONES!!!!!!!

POINTER"S PUPS HAD SOME NEW YEAR"S FUN!!!!!!!!

Remember Pointer's Halloween prank:

Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Pointer's Halloween Fun!!???
Ole Pointer decided to have some Halloween fun after he and Chuggo decided to put the crazy other dawgs outside since the three monsters threatened to dismember every little princess and hobo who came a beggin'. So with sweet Chuggo monitoring the nightly theirtube, Pointer camped out under the front picture window reading his NYk'ER ,old dawg glasses and all. The first victim happily approached the door only to be ambushed by an old sob shouting in his best BX Sarcasm: "What do YOU want?"Stunned by the break in the boring ritual , the poor unsuspecting robot and Barbie froze in their tracks. "Well? What do you want?" The robot hid behind Barbie's flimsy costume as the doll cautiously whispered : "Candy?". Why should i give you candy ? i like candy! Why should i give it away? From behind his glamorous shield R2D2 offered : "Because it's Halloween?" (as if his next line would be -isn't it? almost ready to believe his parents , the candy packed stores and all of his known world might have gotten the date wrong). Halloween ! roared the old fool What's that! At this point the defenseless children seemed to be recalling every stranger danger lesson they every received as they stared in panic at their parental escorts( Not the South Bronx Halloween of my 50's childhood when we tricked much more often than the lame treats proferred by our impoverished neighbors with our parents if we had them far, far away) Fortunately these adults(young enough to be my youngest kids) were enjoying the old dope's prank. H-H-H alloween is when kids get, i mean ask for candy... We already went over that he moaned , Tell me why kids get my candy on this Halloween! By that time a new batch of superheroes , rockstars and vampires were crowding the door. Envigorated by my new audience i begged for an answer. Can any of you please tell me why we celebrate Halloween?! A little chicana genie on the outskirts of the curious yet candy craving throng encroaching the old SOB's doorway spoke up confidently enough to melt even an old Halloween Grinch's heart: it's to celebrate the dead. All fell silent at the mention of all of our greatest fear and fascination... And the old bastard thrilled the confused kiddie crowd of costumed extortionists by his satisfied exclamation. Now that's something to celebrate! Candy for everybody! And the overflowing basket of his most coveted candies were thrown out on that porch as Frankenstein,Batgirl and a panoply of elves and goblins dove as if a birthday pinata had burst in their midst. And above the din of the night's sweetest wrestling could be heard the ancient's cry: Happy Halloween to all and to all a goodnight!


Well, our New Year's celebration seemed to call for some more zaniness...so, instead of watching the ole ,hackneyed Times Square ball do its droll descent ,Pointer thought in honor of 3,ooo dead American soldiers and countless gallons of Iraqi blood on the hands of the decent Bush family and the defeat of tyrants not to mention the 1st day of the Haj commemorating Abraham's slaughter of the ram caught in the thicket instead of his only son, Isaac( Always seek a second opinion)Pointer had his pups mark the Ano nuevo by watching Sadamm Hussein drop...10,9,8....Somehow the old Chrysler building shiny ball did seem more festive in retrospect and yet here in the new west ,not so different from the old one, there's nothin' like a good hangin'....to ring in the New Year... May 2007 bring the Bushes before the the World court tried with crimes against humanity...Maybe next New Year 's Eve we can celebrate by watching the downfall of the most murderous of Post WWII American Presidents...10, 9 8...

3,000 dead and a story of 1 memory

http://www.nytimes.com/2007/01/01/us/01charles.html?_r=2&oref=slogin&oref=slogin

The Hangman's Dawg asks: 2C o knot 2C SDM SHWING!?

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-5797782776558526136&q=saddam%27s+execution

POINTER PROVES THAT PAGAN BABIES ARE REAL!!!!!!!

SISTA DAWG SEZ: BUY THOSE PAGAN BABIES O ELSE!!!!!!!

Pagan Babies and Late Night Catechism
My friends Chris Kopet Huss and Mary Kunkel are leading an entourage tomorrow night to Late Night Catechism 2, the sequel to Late Night Catechism. Both plays feature nuns who interact with the audience as if the audience is really a classroom of parochial students, circa 1950s and early 1960s.
The plays tap into the collective memory of the Catholic culture many of us grew up in. They are clever and hilarious. I saw the original three times and so will pass on this one.
Mary Kunkel's sister recently found an original Pagan Baby certificate. Those of us who were in grade school in some of the pre-Vatican II years remember the Pagan Baby crusades. We'd collect money to save souls of children in Africa and other exotic places. Take a look at the details in this certificate.
The entourage will have this certificate with them at the play tomorrow night, hoping "Sister" will call on them in the very interactive play.
Posted by Rebecca 9 Nov 1:07 PM
About this blogJourney to Vatican III by Rebecca Nappi gives you breaking news and trend alerts in the Roman Catholic Church that signal major reforms to come in the next few years. These reforms might come about if, and when, the current pope or his successor calls a Vatican III.Send me an email
links
National Catholic ReporterCommonwealSojournersVoice of the FaithfulSurvivors Network of those Abused by Priests (SNAP)BishopAccountability.orgCatholic News ServiceCrisis: Politics, Culture & the ChurchBeliefNetThe TabletZenitCatholic.netVatican newsNational Catholic RegisterAmerica: National Catholic WeeklyCatholic DigestCompany magazine
About Rebecca
Rebecca Nappi is a columnist and associate editor with The Spokesman-Review. She has a master's degree in journalism from the University of Missouri-Columbia and a master's degree in pastoral ministry from Gonzaga University. "101 Questions and Answers on Catholic Married Life" a book Nappi co-authored with University of San Francisco theologian Dan Kendall, S.J., and Olympia, Wash., writer Catherine Johnston, is available from Paulist Press.
Spokane, Wash., Coeur d'Alene, Idaho, and the Inland Northwest©Copyright 2006The Spokesman-Review

Have you ever googled Pagan Babies? see: http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&lr=&q=pagan+babies+roman+catholic&btnG=Search

NEXT CHAPTER OF VA HO_SLAYN"S BLOGNOVEL>>>BY PUPULAR DE_ DAWG_D

Buster and The Baby Angel


Chapter One


No, Fuckhead.


Chapter Two


Buster Fuckhead had spent most of his entire natural life trying to make people laugh. Not because he believed in bringing joy or happiness to others. It was just that he loved to see the deformed faces of laughing people . The wide open mouth - the stretched skin of the face -the tilted back head- the flared nostrils and those crazy Shar-Pei wrinkles. The shaking torso and the absurd sounds like jack and jane asses in heat! Laughter for Buster revealed the true foolishness of the human animal and the revelation of ridiculousness was what he thrived on. Call him sarcastic , call him cynical he would have confessed in a heartbeat and gloried in that blatant admission of guilt. That is until the day he met the Baby Angel.

ANGELAFRODAWG SPEAK OUT SISTA!!!!!!!!!!!

http://www.democracynow.org/article.pl?sid=06/12/28/1450208

REMEMBER THE ANCIENT PARABLE ABOUT THE BLIND MEN AND THE>>>>>>>

Blind Men were led to identify an object by their keen sense of touch. Each examined, stroked and caressed the unknown phenomenon. One guessed this must be a hose of some kind...another ventured: " We have here a slimy length of rope". The third wondered if this was some sort of connecting cord. A fourth , indignant at the suspected affront, chastised: OK Ali , so your dick is almost as big as mine!!!!!!

HOLY BOOKS, SHMOLEY BOOKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Every holy book is full of holes if you are looking for some pure consistent perfectionist ethic! The Hebrew Scriptures honor Abram for his deceitful protection of his Sarai, Jesus' parables glory in clever, relativist schemes and yes Patboy is right -Mohammed and the Mormons share the same flexiblethics(GDNM-4a- RKGRP!)....as I suspect liberals find desireable and KNEE-OH!- CONS hypocritically abhor- unless it is stealing elections, bombing Amruhcah's enemies or lining the pockets of the filthy rich(redundancy)!!!!!!!!!!!!

Can you spot the prophets???HINT#1- Josiah Smith LDS Hero sanctioned polygamy....

HINT#2- This is a genetic reconstruction of the true Jesus of Bethle...hem(sorry just clearing my throat) Nazareth(They got the DNA -which stands for Dominus Nominem Assinineus from the famous foreskin relic kept in the Vatican's famous Libreria Vaticanus Pedophilius ( Fore More Fore skin skinny see Pointer's fore more-r Foreskin speculations)

http://patriotboy.blogspot.com/2006_12_17_patriotboy_archive.html#116676217825810227

POINTER SAYS: only YOU can prevent HPV!!!!!!!

http://www.thehpvtest.com/

STAR ARTICLE NO SON OF POINTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Though many find a suspicious family resemblance in a recent AZSTAR artickle, Pointer and his many pups ,both avowed and dis, reject this coinkeydink:

David Allen(1st of all- that's not his middle name)Rodgers( AND that's not how we spell our family name!), 42,(he's probably not that old)was arrested Dec. 3 for driving while intoxicated(my offspring!!) — at the wheel of a float during the annual Christmas parade in Anderson, S.C.( He was no where near SC though it's true no one can account for his whereabouts-though that's nothing new) According to witnesses, Rodgers sped down Main Street in the Steppin' Out Dance Studio float(He can't dance!) with 19 people aboard, ran a red light(he is color-blind?!) and led police on a 3-mile chase.
Police said that when Rodgers finally stopped, they found an open container of alcohol in his truck.( still something in the container? this is proof positive he ain't no relation of ours!!!!!!) "I made a very bad judgment on my part," Rodgers said at a court hearing.( No admission of guilt has ever passed a truemember of Pointer's pack!)

PS I don't even know what the underwear breathalyzer piece has to do with this but it made Pointer chuckle....

V.A.Ho-Slayn brings out his cereal novel on Pointer!!!(one corny flake at a time...)

Buster and The Baby Angel
Chapter One
No, Fuckhead.

Login next time for another exhilirating chapter of VA Ho-Slayn's cereal novel: Buster and the Baby Angel

IT'S A GIRL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! pug!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SGTDAWG PULLS LOTSA WEED!!!!!!!!!!!!

POINTER COULD NEVER GET HIS PUP TO DO ANY LANDSCAPING...BUT NOW HE'S PULLING WEED LIKE THERE'S NO MANANA !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!